Telling Our Family and Friends We Were Ditching 'Em

It's easy enough to find a place you want to move to and make the decision to go. The hard part is telling your folks and friends and actually getting the deed done. Some of you might try to convince others to see the light and move with you, however, if your family is anything like mine--get ready to be disowned.

My family is largely made up of immigrants that came to the US from Europe over 70 years ago and settled in New York City. I'm basically a first generation American. You'd think, based on these travels they've taken from another land all the way to Ellis Island, that they'd be understanding of family moving away and leaving everything they are familiar with behind. My whole family has essentially either all lived in the same apartment building in Chelsea or within a 10 block radius of each other for decades. I'm the first to have broken the chain.

When I first got married, I moved to Long Island for a short time, and my family reacted as if I had moved to another state--and I was literally just 25 minutes away from where the bulk of them lived. When I moved to New Jersey for a few years later, both family and friends really freaked out. They actually acted as if they might need a passport to cross the George Washington Bridge to see me. Whenever my parents came to visit me, my mother persistently complained about the traffic during the entire visit and talked about how they had to leave early because she heard that it was going to rain on the trip back.

So, when it came to telling them that I was leaving for Charlotte, I was ready for the fireworks. My mom is the passive-aggressive type and she holds a grudge better than anyone I know. She still hasn't forgiven me for leaving, and the first thing she said to me was, "Why did you give me grandchildren if you were only going to take them away from me?" Er, mom, I hate to tell you this, but I did not have kids purely to entertain you. My father, on the other hand, was overjoyed at the thought of an adventure. I seriously believe that if my mother was willing to move here, that he would move in a flash. Of course, my mother would NEVER move to Charlotte.

Matt's parents were also dismayed. They understood the reasons, but didn't want to hear 'em. Matt's mom literally compared moving to Charlotte as us moving to Switzerland. We tried to explain that it was only an hour and 20 minute plane ride from Newark to no avail.

We got them used to the idea about 3 months before we actually made the move. They weren't happy about it, but they finally accepted that we were going. Our friends had no issue understanding our desire to go. They told us that they wished they had the balls to leave too, and that they were sick of paying for sky high real estate and never getting any further in life thanks to the cost of living. Inf act, some seemed a touch envious.

There were two critical things we did, that I highly recommend each of you promise me you'll do. First, we did not allow any family members to throw us one of those bon-voyage parties. We knew that if we had that happen, the tears that would flow at such an event would have us guilt-ridden for years. Secondly, we did not all ANYONE to be with us as we pulled away from our old house for the last time. I remember clearly that it was about 11PM when we set out on the road in pure darkness that November 3 years ago, and there was no family there to cry and tug at us as we pulled away from the curb. These two points made it a heap easier for us to go, so I encourage you to do the same.

Have our parents finally accepted that we're here for good? I firmly believe my mother still thinks we'll be back (she's wrong), and she still holds a mega grudge. She doesn't like that I disrupted her universe one bit. We got her one of those computer cameras before we left so she can see the kids, and she actually refuses to set it up. My dad and Matt's dad are cool with it now. They've visited a bunch of times and acknowledge that its nice here, and that can understand that our lives are actually better here.

In the beginning there were days that we were homesick, but as we settled into our new place, that faded away. Do we miss our family and friends on occasion? Sure! That's natural--and expect to feel that way for awhile. Just keep in mind that you're here for a specific reason, and that's to live a better life for a more reasonable price.

One thing I don't miss at all is the sound of the snow shovel hitting the pavement, and every time it snows up north--you'll have a big smile on your face when you tell your family its 40 degrees and sunny in Charlotte.

;-)